Mood. Feeling all of 2020 in the span of an hour before the kids got up, deciding today is a good day to be irritable, angsty, and in a mood. Forget the sunshine, friends, bring on the dark clouds, thunder and lightning. Feelings I don’t normally revel in, let alone savor. Even Ginger dog felt my mood, as she faced the opposite direction for her nap (I mean, of course still pressed up against me, because she’s a dog, and loves me regardless #WeDontDeserveDogs).

Anyhoo, those of you that know me, know that I’m usually sunny side up, look for the light rather than the dark, and throw around grace and kindness like confetti wrapped glitter. So that’s why I’m sharing ……. Maybe you’re feeling it, too.

Some of us cling to the idea of perfection without even noticing, and we hold ourselves to such a high standard, that when we have an off day, it feels unreasonable. Friends, it’s NOT unreasonable to feel crummy because the library can’t find books you know you turned in (apologies to the librarian I snapped at this morning, sorry); you think about grocery shopping for Thanksgiving and it hits you how lonesome it feels to not have family in town; or you realize “this” looks nothing like what you “thought” it would …… Let go of the idea of the Instagram picture, and embrace the realness of the MySpace days. Like, really, we had just learned about selfies, and hadn’t yet figured out how to manipulate our snippets of life into perfect chunks for the world to see. Oh, those were the days (I’m looking at you, Annelise and Bec, wink wink).

forest photography
Photo by Francesco Ungaro on Pexels.com

Sometimes, it’s ok to not feel ok. When you can’t find the sun, maybe it’s ok to linger in the clouds (please don’t linger too long, though, and if you do find yourself unable to come back to you, please reach out for help).

But how, then, how do you leave the mood behind? I felt it was “too big” of a mood, and I was too invested in being crummy to make a smooth transition back.

Here’s what worked for me, might not work for you, but it’s worth a try, right?

  • I journaled all of the ugly, as much as I could well up and get onto paper.
  • I gave myself grace to dabble in the dark, and embraced the feelings …. (like how you hate squats, but when instead of running from the burn, you f e e l the burn in all that squatty glory, and you know it was worth it because your booty looks better than before…….).
  • I drew a circle of control, yes, true story, literally drew on paper, acknowledging the things I can’t control as much as the things I can.
  • I reached out to friends for comic relief and support.
  • Finally, I grounded myself by focusing on things in the present: things I could feel, see, smell and hear, and I really listened to what they had to say.

It wasn’t instantaneous all-is-right-now-with-the-world deal, took most of the morning, but I feel more at ease in my skin, I feel softer and lighter. Feeling the feels is difficult for me, because I want so badly to counteract the negativity that’s all around. I’m not a one man show (wait, not pc, ahem, one person show). Kindness and positivity take S T R E N G T H, much more so than rudeness and poo-pooing on the world. So, yeah, if you need this today, here’s a deep breath, from me to you. I’m holding space for you, giving you grace, permission to feel and be, and then the strength to get up and back to being the AMAZING and WONDEROUSLY CREATED person you are inside.

With Sunbeams and Love,

Racheal Xx