I’m that positive gal, spreading sunbeams and sunshine … most of the time. Nobody can be 100% all the time, and I am certainly no exception. I absolutely believe that we should look for the silver lining, chase the sunbeams, and see the best. However, I am also a firm believer in feeling and honoring your feelings, even the hard feelings, in order to heal and move forward. None of that “toxic positivity” here (but I’ll save my feelings on that topic for another time).

Enjoying a game of tug of war with “very long hedgehog” … She knew just how to tug on your heart, too, with those soulful eyes

I’m no stranger to loss, but some losses hurt more than others, right? We said goodbye to our beloved Ginger yesterday, and the grief, sadness and emptiness are incredibly powerful and hit me hard. I’ve watched her decline, and labs don’t live nearly as long as they should, so I thought I’d be ok with seeing her go. News flash: I am NOT okay with losing the sweet and unconditional love of Ginger. So, how am I handling these waves of grief, and how can you, when it’s your turn? Here’s what I’m focusing on:

  • I’m sitting with the feelings, tough as they are, and embracing them, before letting go to prepare for the next wave.
  • I’m showing kindness, to myself … I’m allowing dog fur to remain un-swept, her recently washed blankets to hang out in the dryer, and holding on to her belongings, because it’s ok to hold on for a bit.
  • I’m resting, as in mental AND physical rest. It’s ok to not be as tidy as usual, keep on top of laundry and other chores, or even fix meals when takeout sounds like a winner.
  • I’m indulging …. in memories. I know Google is an all consuming beast that knows your thoughts before you think them, but I’m thankful they can search out every picture I’ve taken of Ginger. I’m revisiting all of those memories, indulgently, because I can.
  • I’m sharing. As in, sharing with anyone that asks, any of my social media outlets, and hey, look here, I’m even sharing on my blog. Words are healing, and an outlet to me. If they are to you, also, USE YOUR VOICE. When I miscarried 2 years ago, I spoke about it so freely because my voice helped me heal. Remember your words might make others uncomfortable or think you’re crazy (ahem, but my dog people get me when I say it feels like I lost a child), but if words are your “language”, use them shamelessly.
  • I’m setting goals. My goals include resuming walks, like I would have twice daily with the dog. Taking the time that I would have devoted to Ginger, and pouring back into the kids. Making the time to nurture myself, too, as I sacrificed so much of me to keep up with an aging dog (it was a willing sacrifice, don’t get me wrong, I’d love her even more if I could go back). BUT.NOT.YET ….. they are goals. You know, for the future, as in not today, but when those waves of grief wash over less often.
We were both a couple years younger here

I think the biggest thing, when saying goodbye to a friend, is that grieving, even if it’s just a pet, job loss, breakup, friend moving away, whatever, it’s OK to FEEL. I don’t often make a habit of being kind to myself, it’s a flaw that I’m working on, but I’ve figured out the things that work for me when I’ve lost something dear. Give yourself space and time to mourn, feel, and heal. If you have loved ones that are willing, allow them to hold that space for you, too, don’t resist when others share kindness and love. A girlfriend texted me last night to say she’d left a pick me up at my door, and the gesture overwhelmed my heart, in a good way. I usually put on a show of a smile and cheer, but for now, I’m going with my feelings, even if they stir up emotions in others. I’m honoring Ginger, by honoring myself.

I knew this summer that we would be facing a lot of “lasts”, here she was in late autumn, enjoying a big fat stick and her favorite little people

Y’all, even as I feel heartbroken, empty and missing my four legged best friend, I know my heart will mend. There’s always memories, and I really do believe all dogs (and cats) go to heaven. So even though I’m feeling the feels with this shattered heart, I KNOW there is light ahead, the skies will clear, and maybe even the next sunbeam will be from my Ginger girl.

With Sunbeams and Love,

Racheal Xx