Friends, it’s been quite a week. I’ve ran the gamut of emotions, and unfortunately, some lingered like mosquitos, and sucked the life out of me. I was chastised by a neighbor for letting my kiddos have a wild dance party while playing with the dog (#SorryNotSorry), had some pretty charged conversations, and felt hugely disappointed with the direct impact of our state remaining in a stagnant phase of reopening. On the other hand, I was able to use heavy kettlebells, thanks to my butt-kickin’ trainer motivating me, I fit into pants that haven’t cooperated in a while, and tapped into crazy willpower to keep on keeping on with eating foods that heal, instead of weigh me down. Basically, a nice balance, but somehow … I latched onto a cloud, and let it take over.

I carried that cloud around with me through the week. I’ve had moments where it felt good to wallow in my pit. Ya feel me? Sure you do, you’re human! I wear a brave, happy face often, and I’ve *mostly* trained my brain to see through to the silver lining of clouds. I can jump over a negative hurdle in a heartbeat, usually, and I feel empowered to know I can OVERCOME the sneaky darkness that waits in the shadows, seeking to steal my joy. But ……. sometimes, I have to sit with disappointment, irritation, or sadness before conquering it. Those are the times, I’m learning (slowly, oh so slowly), to boundary up, not take crap, and be a jerk. I don’t mean “jerk” necessarily, I’m really the nicest of people, but when you shy away from people pleasing to protect your peace, it’s received as jerky, because some aren’t used to boundaries. Quite challenging for an enneagram 9!

SANITY, for me, is working the morning opening shift. I love everything about being an opener at our local YMCA: getting up at 0400 and enjoying the peace of a sleeping house, having a cup of tea in a dimly lit kitchen, walking the dog without distractions, and obviously being in a great work environment, while seeing top notch, amazing people. Y’all have no idea how grateful I am to still be employed, given that most gyms in our state are running on fumes, with pretty much only swimming and outdoor group exercise available. Not being myself the past couple of days, a couple of regulars noticed. It’s totally unlike me to show anything other than smiles and cheer, but I needed to be human, for a change, not perfect. So, I was a cloud, and not a light puffy cloud, mind you, but one of those heavy cloud that needs to spill over a bit to release some heaviness.

Heavy has been in the air, there’s so much uncertainty, and it’s hard to unsee the struggles of so many. There was a shift in energy this morning, though, and my brain started to look for the silver lining again, and take hold of positivity. The source of this turnaround was unexpected, which made it all the more powerful. Remember the trainer I mentioned earlier? He’s an in your face motivator, no sugar coating, call it like it is kind of guy, totally rough around the edges, but an absolute teddy bear inside. He shared something touching, and coincidental, and it reminded me of how much we can gain when we are in tune with those around us. We FEED OFF the energy of others, whether it’s good or bad. At that point, I decided to see past the clouds, and get back to the land of positive vibes. This is important: there is NO shame in being human, feeling the feels, and then sitting with the feels, but at some point, you have to release, and move on.

Yep, I’ve shed some tears this week. I’ve been conditioned to believe that I’m weak when I become emotional, or change my view on something. But, the real deal is, as long as we are growing, it’s ok to change your perspective, even by the minute. It’s not fake, but actually more real, to be fluid, and to reevaluate life as it comes. I thank GOD that we don’t have to live in black and white, and when we step outside of the box, and view life from another angle, that’s strength, not weakness. So, really, go ahead, and be that heavy old cloud, sit with it a bit, but then push past and look for the sunshine. Keep your eyes open for sunbeams in unusual places, too, and you’ll find them when you’re ready.

With Love and sunshine,

Racheal Xx